To Those in Their 20s: These Choices Matter More Than You Think
Six early decisions that shaped our family in profound ways.
We’ve been on a family vacation this week, surrounded by five of our six kids. In the midst of laughter, meals, and late-night games, Barie and I found ourselves reflecting on the early decisions we made in our twenties—decisions that have shaped our lives, our marriage, and the family gathered around our table.
We’ve talked about what we got right, what we got wrong, and how God’s grace has covered us through it all. We’ve made mistakes, of course, and there have been seasons where we drifted off course. But as we look back, we see some specific choices—most of them simple and small—that became foundational. They didn’t just shape our twenties. They shaped our future.
If you’re in your twenties, I want to encourage you: the daily decisions you make right now are building something significant. It might not feel like it today, but your future marriage, your future kids, and your future character are all being shaped by the choices you’re making in this season. Here are six decisions Barie and I made in our early twenties that have made a lasting impact on our family. I hope they’ll help you as you think about how to build your life with God.
1. We Married A Fellow Christian Early
My counter-cultural encouragement has always been: date late, marry early. What I mean by that is - wait until your late teenage years to date, and then when you find someone who loves Jesus and is your best friend, marry them in your early twenties. I don’t like the cultural narrative of dating early (around 14) and marrying late (around 30).
But let me add one more key decision: marry someone who loves Jesus. Barie and I didn’t rush into marriage, but we didn’t delay it unnecessarily either. I had just turned 21 and Barie was about to turn 21. When we knew God was calling us to each other, we committed our lives together before the Lord and began building a life side by side.
Getting married early meant we learned how to grow up together. We didn’t wait to become perfectly mature before entering marriage—we let marriage be a context where maturity was forged. That came with bumps and learning curves, but it also came with decades of shared memories, decisions, and milestones.
Marriage wasn’t a capstone for us—it was a cornerstone. And we’ve seen God build something beautiful on that foundation.
2. We Started Tithing When We Didn’t Make Much Money
It’s easy to say, “We’ll be generous when we make more money.” But if you don’t learn generosity when you have little, it only gets harder when you have more. We made the decision early on to tithe—giving the first 10% of our income to the Lord’s work through the local church—even when our budget was tight.
I remember starting to tithe when I was making $4.25 an hour as a bagger at Albertson’s grocery store. That decision to tithe carried into marriage and shaped our relationship with money in profound ways. It reminded us that everything we had came from God. It protected us from the lie that more money means more peace. And it trained our hearts to trust God as our provider.
Tithing wasn’t about legalism for us—it was about lordship. It was one of the first ways we practiced surrender, and it’s continued to shape our perspective on finances to this day.
3. We Chose to Live on One Income So Barie Could Stay Home
This was one of the most difficult decisions, but also the most impactful. When our first child was born, we decided that Barie would stay home during those formative years. That meant choosing to live on one income in a world where two-income households are the norm.
When we made this decision, Barie was making more money than me. I was a full-time youth pastor and seminary student. Barie was a full-time tax accountant at an accounting firm in downtown Dallas. The decision for her to quit her work to be a stay-at-home mom was NOT easy, but it was BEST.
We sacrificed some things in the early years of our marriage—nicer cars, fancy vacations, home upgrades—but gained things we can never put a price tag on: consistent presence, early formation, and a deeply rooted family rhythm.
We’re not saying every family must make this choice the same way. But we can say that for us, this decision shaped the tone and culture of our home more than almost anything else. It allowed us to be intentional about our values, our schedule, and the spiritual formation of our kids.
4. We Decided to Have a Big Family
Neither of us came from large families, so we didn’t really know what we were building. But we knew early (even when we were dating) that we wanted to have a big family. God gave us a clear vision and enabled Barie to have good pregnancies (even though we had to navigate five difficult miscarriages). That decision led to six children who have filled our lives with joy, exhaustion, laughter, chaos, and so much purpose.
Having a big family has taught all of us to serve one another, to forgive quickly, and to live with less personal space and more shared life. It’s shaped our kids to understand that they are part of something bigger than themselves, and it’s shaped us to rely on God more deeply than we ever thought we would need to.
Big families aren’t for everyone, but being open to God's leading is. We’re so grateful we didn’t let fear or cultural expectations determine what our family would look like.
5. We Decided to Date Weekly
This one may seem small, but over 25 years, it has been one of our most important habits. We decided early on that we would continue dating each other, even in the midst of work, parenting, and ministry life. Some weeks, it was a nice dinner out. Other weeks, it was a walk in the neighborhood or coffee on the porch.
What mattered most wasn’t the activity—it was the intentionality. Weekly date nights helped us prioritize our relationship, laugh together, and have space to talk beyond the logistics of the week. They reminded us that before we were parents or ministry leaders, we were a husband and wife who loved each other and needed connection.
This rhythm has kept our marriage from running on autopilot. It’s reminded us again and again why we said “yes” to each other in the first place.
6. We Decided to Be in Church on Sundays as a Family
We made a firm decision early on: no matter how busy life got, we would be in church together on Sunday. That meant worshiping with the body of Christ was not optional or occasional—it was essential.
In a culture where weekend sports, travel, and rest can easily crowd out corporate worship, this choice rooted our family in something eternal. Our kids knew from a young age that Sunday morning meant we gathered with God's people to hear God’s Word, sing His praises, and be reminded of who we are.
This habit has been a weekly anchor. It’s given our kids consistency, helped us stay accountable, and kept our eyes on Jesus. Church has never been perfect—because people are not perfect—but it has been a place of grace, truth, growth, and community. And we’re so thankful we made it a priority from the start.
Building on the Rock
Jesus said in Matthew 7 that the wise person is the one who hears His words and puts them into practice, like a builder who lays a foundation on rock instead of sand. The storms will come, but the house will stand.
In our twenties, Barie and I weren’t trying to be strategic—we were just trying to be faithful. But by God’s grace, those small decisions became a strong foundation. And we’ve watched Him build something that has blessed us far beyond what we imagined.
If you’re in your twenties right now, don’t underestimate the power of your decisions. You’re not just choosing what to do this week—you’re setting a trajectory for your future. Choose wisely. Build intentionally. Trust God.
He’s the one who takes small seeds and grows them into something beautiful.
Proud of your decisions.